Here is my question for alienated parents: If your adult child were to reach out to reconnect with you, how would you feel if they maintained a relationship with the alienating parent? Would that taint your reconnection? Make you fearful, uncomfortable, distrusting of the intentions of your child?
I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship in her twenties. She told me that even now, decades later, she would be emotionally triggered by seeing that ex. She also said that she would want to avoid relationships with anyone who had any connection to him. I asked her, what if that person who maintained contact with your ex was your own child? She seemed to think that would still be a problem, perhaps a big obstacle. She does not have any children so she was speaking purely hypothetically. But still, it was interesting to get her perspective.
My alienated mother’s family has welcomed me lovingly. But I cannot help but wonder if they have to consciously fight the urge to view me as ‘the one from enemy territory’. I especially wonder if this may be the case for my mother. After all, the person who hurt her beyond repair is still in my life. Even when I realized with clarity what role my father played in the alienation, I did not push him out of my life. At times I have wanted to, but ultimately I believe in forgiveness.
I am interested in the thoughts of alienated parents on this matter.
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