To the fathers who have been alienated

I imagine that Father’s Day is an excruciating day for alienated fathers, just as Mother’s Day is for alienated moms. Today, my heart is with you, all of you fathers who cannot be with your beloved children.

I have seen your pain. I saw you in Boston and New York and on the pages of your blogs and in the messages you put out for your children, hoping that they will read them. I saw the tears in your eyes and felt the love in your heart.

You only want the chance to love them.  How could anyone believe you are unworthy of this? It makes no sense. I know you are treated as the disease, the outcast, the dangerous one. And I know that is a lie- the most destructive lie that can be told to a child.

This pathogen is the disease, the virus, the destructive force.  Your child has been conditioned to confuse the two. Your child treats you as the disease to be avoided, the “bad parent”, the dangerous entity . And many of those around your child, influenced by the alienator, has  fallen into that trap as well (more on this in my upcoming podcast).

But love is on your side, and you are not alone. So many of us understand your heart.  We hear you. We see you. And we are moving forward with you.

I understand all too well the vicious pathogen that has taken your children from you. Your children are victims too, believe me.

Keep loving them from afar. On some unconscious level, they will feel this. And someday, they may come back to you.  The truth is a powerful thing. Don’t ever give up.

Awareness and education about the pathogen of “parental alienation’ is spreading far and wide.  There is more hope than ever before for aliented children and their parents to be reunited!

Statistically speaking, as an adult alienated child, I should be a drug addict, or alienated from my own children, or a depressed alcoholic, or at the very least have gone through a traumatic divorce of my own. But none of those scenarios are true for me. Any of them could have been and I can look back on my teen years and young adulthood and recognize those pivotal moments when I could have jumped off a cliff, metaphorically speaking, but something saved me.  What if there was a reason I was given the strength to begin to heal and remember, and know the truth? What if I knew the truth all along, and that is what saved me?

I am one of the lucky ones and that is not lost on me. I refuse to waste this.  I know exactly how parental alienation happened to me and happens every day all over  the world, and I have no good reason whatsoever to stay silent.  I have every good reason to speak up.

So Happy Father’s Day to the father’s who simply want to love their own children and are not able to share that love freely.  Many of us see you and we are on your side!  Together, we can move mountains. Stay strong. Be healthy. We have work to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Podcast on behalf of alienated children

I am going to start making podcasts as a way to educate people on “parental alienation” from the perspective of the alienated child. This is something I’ve been thinking about doing for quite a while now, and recently I’ve had both an alienated dad and an alienated mom ask me to go forward with it.  They have found that many people, even those who want to be supportive of them, do not quite understand the dynamics of this psychological warfare.  This often leads to these same people unknowingly supporting the aligned parent, or at best, standing by as the child’s mind is held hostage.

So I will start with a one that can be shared with friends, neighbors, relatives, and the wider circle of society. It may also be useful for therapists who are seeing children in this situation, but the goal of my initial podcast will simply be to produce something that can be shared with anyone.  Education and awareness are key.  Ignorance is dangerous. The more information we all have, the better.

Subsequent podcasts may be directed toward the targeted parent, the alienated child (I will have to get clever with a title for that one!) and if I am feeling really optimistic, the aligned parent.

If a child is kidnapped, a search goes out for them. But in the case of “parental alienation”, the child is kidnapped, both in mind and body, and no one seems to be rescuing them. I’ve been there, and this is not okay.  Target parents just want their children back. Children want their authentic selves back, the self that loves their other parent, the self that they have no choice but to suppress until they are helped. We have to save the children.

I am going to make it very clear what the child is going through. I have not forgotten what it is to be there.  The scars remain. The memory is crystal clear.  At times, though rare now, the feelings are just beneath the surface, decades later; the fear, the anxiety, the grief, the powerlessness.  The only way I know how to save the children who are experiencing this today, is to write and speak about my own experiences.

Onward….

 

 

Erasing Family Documentary Events in Boston and New York

I am looking forward to attending and speaking at both the Boston and NYC Erasing Family documentary fundraising events in June.  I feel grateful to be part of the growing awareness of parental alienation. This awareness is critical in saving the children from the abuse of parental alienation.

If it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to save a child. I believe that village is growing.

Parental Alienation Event

Parental Alienation – Rod McCall author presentation – Friday April 21st – Doors open 5:30 PM – 9:00PM

Grace Episcopal Church, 76 Eldredge St. Newton .02458

We are less than a week away from learning from Rod about his tragic story and then education, inspiration, and a panel discussion with empowering methods to reduce parental alienation.

40 people have registered already, including Doctors, therapists, lawyers, mediators, GALs, parents, and more.

Agenda:

  • 5:30 Pizza and refreshments
  • 6:30 Rod’s presentation followed by discussion and Q&A
  • (late arrivers always welcome)
  • 7:40 10-minute break
  • 7:50 Panel Discussion and Q&A with:
  •       Rod McCall, PA parent, author, speaker
  •       Dana, a writer who was alienated from her mother at age 4
  •       Joan Kloth-Zanard,  PA expert, therapist
  •       Heather A. O’Connor, a MA Attorney with PA custody trial experience
  •       To Be Announced, a Parental Alienation expert
  • 8:45 Methods to grow PA awareness
  • 9:00 Program concludes

FREE admission but Eventbrite Registration required (Privacy respected) – Donations at the door encouraged to cover costs and PA awareness.       Sponsored by 2 Non-profit Charity 501(c)(3), PAS Intervention,  www.pas-intervention.org.  AND the National Parents Organization (NPO)  “Preserving the Bond Between Parents and Children”  www.nationalparentsorganization.org

FYI – A “once-in-a-generation” 2-day event in Boston:  International Conference on Shared Parenting (ICSP) 2017, under the theme; “Shared Parenting Research: A Watershed in Understanding Children’s Best Interest?”  48+ sessions organized by the National Parents Organization and the International Council on Shared Parenting.  Starting on Memorial Day May 29 – 30, 2017 at the Westin Copley Place Hotel,  Boston, MA  See the website for http://npo-icsp2017.org/

Immediately following the ICSP conference on Tuesdy evening, May 30th, Brian will be hosting an event in Boston (at a Boylston Street location) that will include fund raising for the completion and distribution of the follow-up documentary, “Erasing Family”.  http://erasingfamily.org/

We also host monthly Parental Alienation Parent Support Group Sessions at a variety of Boston area locations. For information and an invitation, please email Brian at helpingparents123@yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

 

Suggestions for alienated parents

I recently spoke at a support group for alienated parents, PAS Intervention. It was heartwarming and heart-wrenching at the same time, to meet so many wonderful parents. If their children could be freed from the alienating spell they are under, I am certain they would want to run back to these loving parents.

I was given a list of questions to address and here are my notes.  They are based on my own experiences. This is by no means an exhaustive list.

What goes through a child’s mind?

*It is not a conscious choice to reject a parent; it feels like an automatic survival mechanism

*Repression of true feelings (love for the targeted parent) and therefore repression of authentic Self.

*An entire new persona can be built around this inauthentic self, especially in the case of the very brainwashed child. (In my case, I “held onto” my own mind but felt anxious/numb/powerless)

What can a parent say or do to help a child who is a minor?

*Get help/find a trusted, PA- educated professional & If possible, do not allow them to skip visits.

*Let them know you sympathize with their position & will always love them.

*Opportunities to interact w/out telling the alienating parent

What can a parent say to a young adult child?

*Let them know you sympathize with their position

*Opportunities to interact w/out telling the alienating parent

*Encourage them to think for themselves; contradict the alienator through your actions.

*Give them fact based information

*Tell them you love them and will not choose to “go away”.

Anything that might help a parent to find ways back into their child’s life:

*Maintain contact in “nonthreatening ways”

*Encourage trusted acquaintances keep contact with your child if possible-people who would speak highly of you.

*Take care of yourself: show confidence and health and stability and love and self-respect. The alienator is coming across as “all knowing/all confident/all powerful” to the child. You must top that with authentic power.

Anything that might help a parent stay in their child’s life:

DO stay in touch however possible but try not to overwhelm them w/ steps that are bigger than what they are capable of handling at this time. They would need an absolute guarantee of protection from the alienator and/or enough time completely away from him/her in order to ‘deprogram’. Until then, it does not feel safe to reconnect with you. This is true whether they are five years old or twenty years old.